Sunday, October 17, 2010

West From Home

                                                           April 19th 1872

               The sun was barely up when the Barnes family set out for the west. The air was cool and crisp and the ground was still damp with morning dew. They packed everything they owned into their little covered wagon and left behind the little log cabin they called home. Eliza and Nicholas were sad to leave the home that they had shared so many memories in. From the early days of their marriage to the joyous births of their sons. But they were hopeful that they would be happy in their new home. There were new memories to be made now. Eliza watched baby Jonathan in her arms. Look at how peaceful he looks as he sleeps unaware of the things going on around him, dreaming little baby dreams. Thomas and Eli were in the back of the wagon playing a game of some sort without any cares in the world. How young and innocent they were, she wished they could stay this way forever. If only things were that easy. Nicholas was sitting beside her hands on the reins, eyes intent on the path which laid before them. They had talked endlessly the night before about where they would settle and about how frightening and thrilling it all was. She had never seen Nicholas with so much vigor, so much enthusiasm. The way he gleamed as he talked of the opportunities they were to have. To be completely honest she didn't particularly want to leave their home, and venture out into unknown land. In fact the very thought made her want to cry. But she tried her best to hide it and put on her brave face for Nicholas. She only wished she didn't have to say good-bye to her family and friends. She took comfort in knowing that they would write her and keep her in the loop on all the things happening with her loved ones back home. But no matter what happened she knew she had the four people she needed most, the ones for whom she'd travel to the moon and back. They were her life, and they were more than enough.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

You don't belong with me

   Where did it all go wrong? That was the single question I just couldn't get out of my head. I had been looking through all of the text messages, all of the photographs, and all of my diary entries for the past three hours. Still no answers. Grady and I had been the perfect couple. He was the one, or so I thought. He was well liked by my family, my friends, even my dog Max, who would only let me touch him. We had the same values and beliefs. He was the one guy who really understood me. And I don't mean like he didn't ask me every five minutes what on earth I was talking about, but like he knew who I was and not the person I let others see. I thought we would be together forever, I guess I thought wrong. "I just don't love you anymore, I'm sorry Beth". Never had any words cut so deep. People who say "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" don't know the all too real effect words can have. Even though he doesn't love me anymore I still love him, and I guess that's the most painful part. Loving someone when they don't want you anymore, when they don't know you anymore, when they don't love you anymore. And now I know that good things don't last, and time goes too fast. If I had known how things would turn out, that I would only be hurt in the end, would I have changed anything? Maybe. But I guess things are better left as they are. It would only have hurt more if I had married him, had kids, and then he decide to leave. At least he had the decency to let me go now. And all of a sudden I saw things not as I wanted to see them but for what they really were. I grabbed my phone off the dresser, took one last look at his seven digit number and before I could go back I pressed delete. I then proceeded to delete all my messages. I logged into my Facebook account, went to my inbox and looked up every message Grady ever sent me, from those late night conversations to his last message, the dreaded "we need to talk" one. I selected all of them and pressed delete. Next came all the photos. This was the hardest part by far, seeing how happy we were. But pictures are only snapshots, a snippet of life, they never tell the complete story. There's so much more under the surface that I couldn't see, or maybe just what I didn't want to see. Well I was finished with the photos, the only thing left to do was delete Grady. I typed in his name and clicked on his page. There he was. With his usual goofy profile picture, and brand new changed relationship status. Look at those girls, practically throwing themselves at him. "Oh Grady, I'm so sorry! If you ever need to talk, I'm here". Gag me with a spoon! I scrolled down the page and clicked on remove from friends. Wow! It was like I had released this huge weight. It was truly better this way, to just not look back. I don't know what the future may bring, but I know one thing is for sure. I'm done with my past.